The Gospel of the Perfect Puck: And Other Espresso Nonsense

Let’s get one thing straight: the espresso puck is not a sacred artifact.

Somewhere along the third wave journey, we started acting like the soggy little disc of spent grounds at the bottom of the portafilter was a divine message from the espresso gods. A puck too wet? Shame. Too dry? Burn them. Soupy? You monster. The puck, they say, reveals all.

Except… it really doesn’t.

"How dare you question the puck!"

Walk into any barista huddle or home espresso forum, and you’ll find people swirling in analysis over their pucks like tea leaf readers with a $2,000 grinder. They post photos of pucks like they’re newborn children. “Look at the dryness! The definition! This one popped out clean.” Bravo. I'm sure someone, somewhere, can taste the difference in your puck shape. Spoiler: it’s not your customer.

Because while your guests are out there ordering drinks and brightening our day with their energy (and keeping us in business, thank you very much), a certain segment of the coffee world is too busy filming their tamp angle and measuring post-shot puck moisture with a NASA-grade moisture meter.

Let’s take a breath.

Let’s talk science (just briefly, don’t worry)

Sure, an uneven or cratered puck might mean some channeling happened. And yeah, if your espresso tastes like sour lemon or burnt rubber, something’s probably off. But that doesn’t mean your mission in life is to create the coffee version of a moon rock every time you pull a shot.

A great shot can leave behind a swampy mess. A bad one can eject like a perfectly cut brownie. Espresso is complicated. And you know what? That’s fine. But let’s stop worshipping the leftovers like they’re a sign from the heavens.

You’re not a bad barista because your puck is ugly

You’re a bad barista if your espresso tastes bad. That’s it.

If your shot is sweet, balanced, and pulls like a dream? Congrats. It doesn’t matter if the puck looks like brownie batter. You did your job. Knock it out (get it?) and move on with your day.

Real talk: The puck doesn’t care about you

You know who cares about puck shape? Other people on the internet who are also obsessing about puck shape. Meanwhile, the real action—the stuff that actually matters—is happening in the cup. Taste. Consistency. Experience.

We’re in this business to make great coffee and serve people well—not to audition for the next espresso-themed Olympics.

Puck Verdict:
✓ Soupy – Still delicious
✓ Dry – Probably overextracted
✓ Crumbly – Weird flex, but okay
✓ Flawless and Instagram-worthy – Thanks, I hate it

While We’re Here: WDT Tools Deserve a Rake, Too

Ah yes, the WDT tool—Weiss Distribution Technique if you want to sound official. What started as a DIY tool made from acupuncture needles and a wine cork has evolved into a $120 titanium stick set that looks like it belongs in a surgical tray.

The idea? Stir your grounds to break up clumps and evenly distribute your dose before tamping. Sounds harmless. And sure, it can help.

But somewhere along the way, we started romanticizing the stir. Now it’s not enough to agitate the grounds—you need a handcrafted, laser-cut walnut-handled distribution ritual to go with it. Don’t forget the Instagram reel where you stir in slow motion to lo-fi beats.

It’s not that WDT is useless. It’s that it became sacred. Which, as you might’ve guessed by now, is exactly when it went off the rails.

Want to poke fun at more coffee world obsessions? Stay tuned.

• DIY water recipes that read like science fiction.
• People who measure bloom time on pour-overs like they’re diffusing a bomb.
• The 15-minute argument about whether a 1:2 ratio is "too basic."
• That guy who refuses to drink espresso unless it was extracted on a lever machine made in 1972 in Northern Italy by someone named Paolo.

We're just getting started.

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